Kagura Shuts Up
by AmberFox and Lyell
Summary: Kyo has finally done it! He has had the perfect idea to stop Kagura beating him to a bloody pulp! Did I mention Shigure helped? Mwaha! Who will be silenced next?
1. Kagura

**Kagura shuts up By Lyell**

(Hey minna-san! This is my first Fruits Basket fic, so please be kind. We're not getting enough reviews people! So this little one-shot is a desperate bid for more reviews. Hope you enjoy!)

"Kyo! My Love!" The cat in question turned as Kagura came charging up the path, arms outstretched as she rushed at the red headed boy standing on the gravel just outside Sohma Shigure's house. He was just out of school for the day and was in his black school uniform when the green clad boar decided to drop in.

As soon as the girl was no more than two arms length from the cat, did he hold out a halting hand to stop her, one hand casually in his pocket and his book bag over the same shoulder. Kagura came to a screeching halt, half surprised Kyo hadn't ran away screaming yet and half curious as to what he could want, just before the stretched out hand. The world stood still for a second as a breeze ruffled Kyo's orange hair, then he stepped forward, hand still in Kagura's face, to stand in front of her. Then he relaxed his hand and brought it down to cup her chin and let his thumb gently stroke her jaws skin. Kagura was rooted to the spot, mouth open slightly and her stormy grey eyes wide. Kyo smirked slightly as he came forward, only breaking eye contact so his deep red eyes could momentarily flicker onto her lips, his occupied hand held Kagura's head up while his free hand touched her neck before falling down to her shoulder then trailing down her arm.

The cat brought his face forward, so that his nose was barely an inch away from hers, then held his position for a moment before purring seductively. "It's nice to see you again, _Kagura_." The breeze returned as pink flower petals flew past, behind him, and whipped his hair around again.

Kagura almost had a heart attack!

Kyo left the frazzled Kagura passed out on the path, steam pouring from her red face via her ears, as he climbed the steps into the dog's house. "I could hear Kagura a mile away. So? How'd it go" Shigure asked from around his paper as he spotted Kyo pass the door to the living room to go upstairs and change.

Kyo gave the dog a wide grin. "Great" He exclaimed. "She stopped right in her tracks, then I did that move you told me about and 'Wham!' I don't think I've seen anyone hit the floor so fast."

"Kyo, I hope you at least had the decency to catch her." Shigure chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah." The neko shrugged off the inu's concern as he continued his journey to the stairs. "But she was half out of it at the time."

"In any case, I'm sure she would have appreciated it." Shigure shrugged as Kyo left.

"Oh, yeah..." Kyo popped his head around the door one last time.

"Hmm..." Shigure looked up again.

"Thanks for the book." And Kyo threw a book, which neatly slid on the table to reveal thetitle 'Come Come, Paradise by Sennin Jiraya' to the amused dog. "It gave me some ideas for the next time she visits."

'Kyo is a pervert…!' Shigure sang to himselfas Kyo finally left.

End

(I like the Kyo/Kagura pairing. She's put so much effort into getting Kyo, it would be fitting if she got him in the end. Yes 'Come Come Paradise By Sennin Jiraya' is from Naruto, and Yes, Kyo is a total Pervert… Well I think it's funny. Hope I've not offended any loyal coughNot!cough fans. As usual, Please review. COME ON! PUSH THE SMEGGING PURPLE BUTTON! IT'S JUST THERE!)


	2. Ayame

**Ayame Shuts Up by AmberFox**

(Soooooo sorry! We are late on the second chapter of "Kagura Shuts Up". I've convinced Leyll that some people might want to see what happens to the other zodiac members when someone wants them to shut up… So we're taking turns! Enjoy!)

"… Oh, you should have seen it brother! Paper flying everywhere and the cheers sounded as I became President for a second term. But of course I had to alter something later on, my mind maturing into the stylish and sophisticated man you see before you…"

Thus were the rantings of Shigure's latest house guest, Aya Sohma to his slightly vexed brother, Yuki.

For the first time in his entire life Yuki wanted to be Kyo. The cursed cat had seen Ayame walk up the driveway from his rooftop sanctuary and had taken it upon himself to make himself scarce, like a cat on a hot tin roof.

Well, technically, he was a cat on a hot roof…

Anyway.

"…But then, of course, I had to decline the offer to be auctioned off for charity simply because most of the girls had formed a little fan club devoted to me. So I told them…"

'So that explained the idea of my fan club…' Yuki thought to himself as his brother continued his monotonous description of his life. Yuki sighed. His brother was getting tiresome. One side of the Prince wanted to go into a deep sleep due to Aya's ramblings, and the other just wanted to knock him through the roof. He would have given Shigure a death-glare by now but the dog, thinking that the brothers needed some bonding-time, had decided to set his friend off into one of his famous speeches and exited the room to get some tea.

Over an hour ago.

Almost growling in frustration at being stupid enough to actually believe that his cousin would not take this opportunity to torture him further, Yuki decided to go with his contingency plan.

"Brother," He interrupted Aya's chatter. "Have you seen the latest designs from Paris?"

"My dear little Yuki!" Ayame cried in joy. "You have taken an interest in your older brothers work! I'm so proud!" He stood up, ready to jump over the table separating them, to give Yuki a hug.

"Fuchsia and neon green plad seem to be a hit this year…" The prince trailed, looking at the shock in his brothers eyes. "As well as yellows and purples, I hear."

Ayame stopped in mid-leap as the vision of people in pink and green pladded (spl?) skirts and jackets followed by men in violet and yellow suits with equal design filled his head.

* * *

Yuki walked out of the living room and into the kitchen with a small smile on his face. It had worked better then he had planned…

As he poured himself a glass of orange juice in contentment, now that he had prevailed over his battle for sanity, the back door opened and a petite figure with two brown paper bags filled with groceries hiding her face entered, humming to herself.

"Do you need a hand Miss Honda?" Yuki asked in his usual quiet voice.

"Ahhh Yuki!" Tohru yelped in surprise. "I didn't see you!"

"Well, it's hard to see anyone with grocery bags in the way." He said with a little smile. Putting his glass on the kitchen counter he took a bag and began to unpack the contents beside his drink.

"How did your day go with Ayame-san? Shigure-san told me about it when I meet him in town." Tohru explained.

"It was…" He tried to find the right words. "Mind-blowing." He told her with a secret grin.

Finishing unpacking the foodstuffs he then took his drink and headed towards the stairs to his room via the living room, careful to step over Aya's unconscious form.

(REVIEWS! Yay!)

**Promise Keeper:** Oh! Oh! I know where you seen it before! It was when Kyo told Shigure that Tohru thought he was a stalker! And I'm glad you liked our fic. I can guarantee that Kyo and Kagura will have more 'time' together. HeHeHe...

**Aphrodite's-touch/Sugersweetlover:** We'll try to make the fic a little bit longer.

**Nekoluver:** BLAME SHIGURE!

**Soul Rider 116:** Thanks for the idea, but we have already planned Shigure's 'demise'!

**Reibunny:** Yes. Yes you are. But that's a good idea though...

Next on our list... Haru!


	3. Haru

(Hi Everyone! Sorry for the compleat lack of Updates, we're working on other fics at the moment and compleatly lost track of things. Again, We are both sorry. So here's the latest chapter: It's Haru's Turn! Yatta!)

**Haru shuts up By Lyell**

Haru was feeling slightly annoyed. Today hadn't been the best of days for him. First he had gotten lost on the way to school resulting to him being half an hour late, then the teacher had blasted him before giving him a detention and homework up to kazoo! Usually that wouldn't be enough to tick him off, but no one likes to be yelled at for something they can't control. Now it was lunchtime and Haru had been silently seething the entire morning. Even Momiji had given up trying to cheer him up.

"Hey Tohru!" Momiji cried, glad of the distraction.

"Momiji-chan!" Tohru waved and ran over to hug the little rabbit with Kyo and Yuki calmly walking after her, shooting glares at each other. "How are you?"

"Great! Uh… But Haru isn't so good." Momiji bent forward to whisper. "I think he's a little… irritated today."

"Oh dear! Do you think we could do anything to help?" The girl asked.

"Yo, Tohru!" Uo and Hanna both exited the school building and trotted over to their friend. "Hey there!" She greeted the boys.

"Hello." Was all Hanna said.

"Damn! I think hair dying is a tradition in the Sohma family or something. Nekozuki is orange, his Highness is grey and… What? Couldn't you decide?" Uo laughed, trying to lighten the awkward mood around the boys.

"IT'S NATURAL!" Kyo and Haru both yelled. Yuki only glared.

"Oh dear." Tohru repeated to herself.

Haru slammed his fist onto the table as he stood and growled. "My hair is not dyed. It's natural." An ominous wind blew throughout the room. Everyone knew of Haru's mood swings, turning him from a nice mellow guy into an ill tempered violent monster with the strength of 5 men. "And- Mmmmmph!" Before Haru could continue his rant, Yuki had gotten his chopsticks and, much like he would do when Kyo went on a rant, shove the Leeks Tohru had given him for lunch, straight into his cousins open gob.

"Chew on that until you calm down." Yuki ordered the younger boy sternly.

"Umm…" Tohru looked around to see the entire lunch hall staring at them as Haru compiled.

He sat down sullenly, chewing the greens over and over again as only a cow knew how. 'Moo…'

(Please review, we neet the love...!)


	4. Momiji

**Momiji Shuts up by AmberFox**

(4th chapter in the series of getting the fruits basket cast to shut up. Hope you like it!)

"Weeee! Christmas time, Christmas time! Presents and trees and candy canes!" Yelled Momiji as he ran down the stairs of the Sohma household and into the living room, where a finely decorated tree sat in the corner surrounded by presents of every shape, size and colour imaginable, in only his little yellow bunny jammies.

"Damnit. Why do we have to celebrate this stupid tradition anyway?" Kyo grumbles as he trudged after his cousin. "We're not even Christian."

"But it's Momiji's first Christmas ever, and he's a Christian." Tohru said behind him. "It's a holiday about family and he should get happy memories out of today."

The cat just humphed and continued to enter the living room in his usual mood.

"Don't worry Miss Honda." Yuki said at the top of the stairs. "I'll make sure that stupid cat behaves himself and we all get fond memories from this." He cracked his knuckles as he walked down.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that." Said Shigure, who seemingly popped out of nowhere. "I hear it's traditional to argue a bit at this time of the year. Lets show some authenticity, huh?" And with that the dog gave a laugh and headed towards the living room like the rest.

"I love Christmas! I love Christmas! I love Christmas!" Our hyper bunny chanted as he dived into the presents. "This one's for you, princess!" He chirped to Tohru, holding a royal purple box out to her.

"Now now, not yet. We have to have breakfast first." Shigure said to Momiji.

"I don't need to!" The little German said with a smile. "I had some of the süßigkeit on the trees!"

"Süßigkeit?" Yuki asked in puzzlement.

"Candy!" Momiji chirped, translating what he just said. "So can I open them now?"

"Why don't we wait until everyone else has had breakfast? Then we can all open the presents together?" Tohru told him.

"Yay! Geschenke!" Momiji replied, before reaching out for another candy cane from the tree.

"Don't have to much, or you'll be bouncing off the walls." The dog joked before heading for the kitchen.

As soon as he had left the room, Kyo grew a frighteningly sinister smile.

"Hey, Rabbit." He said. "I bet you a box of chocolates that you can't eat _all _the candy on the tree."

"Are you crazy, baka neko." Yuki hissed to him. "He'll destroy the house if he eats that amount of sugar."

"Deal!" Momiji said, having not heard Yuki's comment. Reaching out, he took three canes from the tree and shoved them into his mouth as one.

Kyo just smiled evilly and continued on his way to the kitchen, for some breakfast.

"What did you do!" Shigure yelled in surprise. Every sweet from the tree was gone, from popcorn-string to hanging toffees, only leaving a extremely bouncy bunny as an end result (who was spouting German, he was that high!).

"Frohe Weihnachten!" He sang out before running to Kyo. "Iwon!Nowyouhavetogiveme aprize!" He said in hyper mode. (I won! Now you have to give me a prize!)

"Okay, Okay! Here." Kyo said, looking fed-up as he handed over a box of chocolates.

"Yay! Geschenke!" The rabbit said, before opening the box and eating it's contents.

"Umm…" Tohru sweatdropped.

"You idiot!" Yuki shouted to the cat. "What were you thinking! Giving Momiji that much candy!"

"Just wait and watch nezumi." Kyo said with a smirk. He observed his little cousin run around the room chanting 'Weihnachten' at the top of his lungs for about a minute before saying. "Three… Two… One…"

THUD.

The Rabbit was out like a light.

"Now that that's over with, lets open some presents." The grinning cat said as he made his way to the tree, careful to step over Momiji.

(HA HA! Do you like it! If so review and Happy Holidays! Oh… and before I forget!

Frohe Weihnachten means Merry Christmas.

Geosciencesmeans Presents/Gifts


	5. Kisa

**Kisa's turn! By Lyell**

(Sorry for the late update. To make it up to allof you me and AF decided to do a specal. Two for one! So that's two fics at once! That shouldmake you happy! About the title,it'sbecause Kisa never really says anything. Sowe were thinking of riling her up instead. As usualwedon't own nothing,soenjoy!)

Poor Sohma Kisa was sitting at her desk at school doing her best to ignore the giggling and snide comments from the girls in her class, sure that they were talking about her.

"Alright class!" Her teacher, Sagara Sozo, clapped his hands and got the classes attention. "For tonight's homework, due Wednesday, we are doing a fun exercise in Drama." The class was silent as the teacher looked around and began to explain. "Drama, as you learnt today, is basically acting a decided part. You will each act a subject given on these cue cards." Sagara-sensei held up said card than began to walk through the rows, handing out the cards. "You are allowed to work in groups, but all the subjects must be covered. Once you receive your card you may leave."

Students began to file out of the room, all talking in quiet excitement about the projects. All except for Kisa who sat and waited to the last minute to leave so as not to enter the rush, looking down at her card which had said 'A Pirate'.

"A moment, Kisa-chan." Sagara-sensei stopped her as she finally got up. "I have a new card for you."

"Huh?" Kisa looked down again at her card then at the card her sensei was offering her. She hadn't wanted to do anything about a Pirate and cringed at the entire exercise altogether, so she took it tentatively as she handed her original one over. This one read 'Fed Up'.

"It's for stress relief." He explained as he calmly walked past, "This will give you a chance to tell everyone what you think. You won't get into trouble, it's on the card you were given. K?" giving her a friendly smile and a wink as he lead her out the room.

Kisa didn't know what to think as she stood in a corner of the gym, away from the others. She had spotted Hiro with his class, standing to one side and frowning at the world in general like he always did, and this had given her some courage. Especially when he had spotted her and gave her a smile that lit up his face in a way only he could. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him all week as he and his class had gone for a school trip, the same one her own class would take next week.

The young girl fiddled with her fingers hesitantly before sending him a tentative look. He looked at her back with puzzled concern, taking some steps forward before remembering he was with his class and stopping. Kisa looked away undecidedly before voicing her silent question to him again. Hiro looked even more concerned this time, and it sent a tug to her heart. After a moment though he smiled at her again cheekily and mouthed "I'm sure you'll do great." giving her a small thumbs up and quickly going back to his sour expression before anyone could see him.

With a new look of determination Kisa raised her hand, offering herself next when the current skit's children had received their applause and filed back into the audience. "Kisa-chan." Her Sensei immediately chose and a hush fell on the group as the odd little girl walked through to in front of them a good distance away, taking a wooden bokken from the basket some of the Kendo Club had left nearby. She stopped, eyes shut and looking down as she sighed and prepared herself for what she was about to do. All the year's anger and hatred began to bubble unbidden from her stomach and made it's burning way settle in her chest and slowly build until it was big enough to start climbing up her throat and into her mouth.

Kisa's eyes snapped open as giggling was heard behind her. "Shut up." The finalisation in her voice quickly silenced the perpetrators.

Kisa turned to the audience, all three classes of her year staring at her in attention. Behind them all her teacher smiled his approval and motioned her to continue.

"In every culture there have been people who have condemned those who are different from them. Whether it be by stoning: like in biblical times, burning: which was done in Europe to 'Witches', hanging: as the Americans did to black slaves, or even the discriminations of today: when some bars or hotels refuse to take any foreign custom. This unfairness has survived, from the Boshin war and the Bakumatsu where people gladly threw their lives away for equality, in the pathetic form of bullying and gang related violence. Not from money, but violence on people who happen to be just that little bit different than them. Hair colour, eye colour, even clothe styles have been targeted." Kisa's gaze fell across the ranks of serious students, her eyes piercing those who knew they were guilty of such crimes and leaving them with a sense of awkwardness as her stare continued around the room. Hiro smirked from his place leant against the wall.

"I'm telling this to you now!" Kisa said with all seriousness, the shy little girl seemed to have disappeared for the moment as she held her bokken in the 'guard' position and pointed to a group of girls in her class. "I'm fed up with it! If you have a problem with my hair, don't whisper about it behind my back! Instead of giggling and making fun of me by copying everything I say, come up to me and say it to my face! I WAS MUTE FOR A YEAR! I HAD TO GO TO THERAPY AND TAKE DRUGS, I WAS SO UNHAPPY!" Tears were in Kisa's eyes now, but her sword never faltered. "I WENT MUTE BECAUSE EVERY WORD I SAID WAS COPIED! YOU COWARDS! IF YOU HATE ME SO MUCH, COME GET ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Kisa took a run at the girls, sword held high as she jumped and shouted, "RyuTsuiSen Tori-Baajon!" bringing the sword down just in front of the squealing huddle of girls only to be met with the wooden clack of another bokken. _'Hiro-chan…!' _

Hiro stared defiant at Kisa as she landed before him. It broke his heart to see her so angry and sad and the gods, if you were into that sort of thing, only knew it hurt him even now to stand in her way but her couldn't let her risk expulsion just because of some annoying stupid girls.

"Move!" Kisa ordered, preparing another strike as tears continued to stream down her face.

"They aren't worth the trouble." Hiro told her with a grunt. "You were right when you said they were cowards, Kisa-chan. And to be honest I wouldn't care if that was a real sword in your hands and you sliced every single one of them into tiny little pieces. All they would ever be good for is fertiliser. Or crows bait." Hiro spat on the floor to the side of him, his mouth having went dry as his message whirled around in his head in it's almost nauseatingly _Shojo Manga-ness_. "But I wont let you degrade yourself like that, Kisa-can. As I said, they aren't worth it." Hiro turned his bokken aside and whispered so only she would hear. "I care about you too much."

'_H-H-Hiro-chan.' _Kisa let her tears flow freely and she suddenly dropped her bokken and ran forward to embraced the, now severely embarrassed, boy in a hug and cry into his chest.

Hiro awkwardly patted her hair and back as he told her. "See? I have a card too." Kisa lifted her head as Hiro fished his card out of his pocket and showed her his topic. Peacemaker. She smiled up at him, her tears beginning to fade at the knowledge that he would always support her, and set her on the right track should she stray.

Clapping interrupted the tender moment as Sagara-sensei strode between his ranks followed by Hiro's own sensei, who seemed rather upset with him. Judging by the glare Hiro shook off with his usual 'Bite-me' attitude.

"And I think that concludes the lesson for today!" Sagara-sensei announced as the bell rung. "Right on time. Okay, Minna!" He called to the rest of the class as they began to make their way out of an interesting class. "Those who did not get a chance to perform, there's always tomorrow! So be ready, huh! You girls, I want a word with you later! ALSO! EVERYONE! DON'T FORGET! Myojin-sensei wants any math homework left to be completed by lunch! Come on, guys! Any more complaints and its Detentions! Just because your homeroom teacher is such a nice guy, doesn't mean I'll bail you out all the time! You listening!" But his calls had fallen on deaf ears as the last of his retreating students gave him a backhanded wave as they shut the gym door behind them. _'Obviously not.' _He sighed to himself as he scratched his head and suggested that the two children should relax in the matrons room while he and the two other remaining sensei's had a chat with the deputy head.

END!

(The RyuTsuiSen, or the Dragon Hammer Strike, is an attack from the famous Rurouni Kenshin. I added the Tori-Baajon to the end, which means Tiger Version, to give it a little kick. And No, Kisa doesn't actually know how to use a sword. It's just that she's seen all those things in Manga and Anime and it rubbed off. Any queries, or if you just want to say how brilliant we are, just click the Review button.)

**KawaiiKittens:** Mwahahahaa! Sorry but I only get the computer tice a week. If I can pryHev off MSN and if I get on before AF gets her hands on it. It's good that you like the Anime. Butwe will wantit back.

**Kyo's Lover:** More Romance? You got it! Just not in this chapter or the next. But it will come!

**Bannigerru, Tohru-Kun12321, Broken and Fallen Angle of Death and Math-nerds-unite:** Glad you like it. But if you thought Momiji was funny, you're gonna wet yourself for Yuki!

**Me, myself, and I:** Luaghs No. It's called a Suger Crash! They really suck!

And there you have it Ladies and Zodiac animals: the Reviews!  
I know it didn't have much funny in it but the next one's a killer!  
So Presenting... Drumroll... YUKI! Yatta!

Bring an extra pair of Underware!


	6. Yuki

**Yuki Shuts Up by AmberFox**

(Second half of our little special, since we forgot to update for so long. I'M SORRY! FORGIVE ME!)

_The Japanese Ratsnake, or the Aodaisho as it is called in it's homeland, is a ruthless predator. It stalks mainly frogs, birds and mice at most times, but prefers birds eggs as a treat as it slithers behind a nearby bush to size up it's pray. Today, it has spotted a common grey mouse beside a tree, eating it's full of cherries with his friends. Usually the Aodaisho would make an easy meal out of such a target but alas this particular snake is an albino, a rarity outside the village of Iwakuni where they are protected by law, and could be easily seen. But thankfully the little mouse, too concerned with eating and communicating with his fellows, does not sense the upcoming danger behind it. _

_The snake, ever watchful, tests the air with it's forked tongue. Finding no other predator that might steal it's quarry from him, he advances to a different location. Moving swiftly in his tell-tell zigzag motion from one bush to another he continues to move, stopping to check every now and again with his tongue for predators or if his prey has spotted him. _

_Finding his target nor his friends has seen him, he moves into a better possession on the other side of the tree mere feet from them. Bunching it's coils he then lies in wait, ready for his attack._

_Slowly he takes aim, still on the alert if he has been spotted._

_Then, he strikes!_

"LITTLE YUKIIIII!"

"What the-!"

_The snake attacks the head, immobilising it's victims._

"Aya! Let go of my head!"

"But I just want to hug you Little Brother!"

"Get off!"

"Who's this weirdo?"

_It then tries to constrict it's victim with it's coils._

"Leggo!"

"That's Ayame Sohma, Yuki's big brother."

"I'm sensing strange waves from him…"

"You would. He is a Sohma after all. Hey! Take that brotherly-love stuff somewhere else! We're trying to eat here, and your gonna squish all the cherries!"

"Good idea, Lucky-Kyo! Come Yuki! Let us bond over tea and Gyoza!"

_The Ratsnake gets ready for it's next meal by preparing it's victim._

"If you sensed him in the first place, then why didn't you say something about it!"

"He was trying so hard to hide, it would be a shame to waist such an effort."

"Leave me alone! I'm not going with you!"

"Oh! I understand! How rude of me not to invite your friends along!"

"We're invited too?"

"I don't want to go to a public place with these two! The stupid rat's already causing a scene."

"Of course you're all invited!"

"No! That's not it, you psycho!"

"Ah! You only want me to bring the little princess along! Is that it?"

"Ummm?"

"No, that's not it! I don't want to go with you, period!"

"Oh! You just want to go with Tohru! On a date!"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"My sweet little brother on his first date! I can just see it now! The candle-lit dinner, the table for two at a secluded restaurant, the violinists, the outfits…"

"Oh dear Gods."

"Are they always like this at home?"

"That damn Shugure always makes it worse. Just be lucky he's not here to back the snake up with his porn ideas."

"Will the sequel come out soon?"

"…? He's working on it…"

"I can just see the wedding bells on the horizon! My little Yuki has grown up so fast!"

"It's not like that! Let me go!"

"If you need help with the wedding night brother I recommend several books 'Gure's written that might give you some pointers! Well… a bit more then pointers hopefully…"

"Ahhhh… Ummmm…!"

"Damn you brother!"

_But the mouse, ever wily, manages to free itself from his enemy's grasp just in time…_

"Was it really necessary to hit him that hard?"

_And escapes! _

"Yes."

"The bell will go in about 10 minutes. Why don't we pack up."

"Good idea Miss. Honda."

"Do you think Sohma-san will visit again?"

"I think the question is 'Do you think Sohma-san will ever come back down?'."

"From my experience, the answer's yes. But only when we least expect it."

"I hope he comes again soon. He had nice waves."

"I don't."

(Can you guess who's talking to who? It's easy to tell. If you get confused just ask, I'll tell you in the next chapter, so no worries! By the way, Gyoza is Jap. style dumplings with pork, cabbage, onions, leeks, garlic, ginger. Sake, soya sauce and sesame oil in it. They're actually very nice! See yha! And Review, k?)


	7. Akito

**Akito Shuts up by AmberFox**

The Kosakana Sushi Restaurant bustled with life as the party took their seats at the collection of tables in front of them. Being a very expensive restaurant Kosakana was not suited to hold such a mass of people at one table, so the staff decided to put a few tables together to hold all fourteen guests. They had even gave the guests a free drink each due to the business they brought to them.

After all, it wasn't everyday that the head of a very important family like the Sohma's was to celebrate his birthday.

The twelve zodiac members sat around the god as she surveyed the room. Usually she wasn't allowed out of the compound due to her declining health but since it was a special occasion, and the family doctor Hatori was there, she guessed it was alright. It was still a bit of a shock that they all invited her out in the first place. Although that still didn't explain why _she _was there. Sitting beside the pale goddess sat her mother, as polite as ever, on her left. On the heads right sat Kureno. Hatori sat next to Ren while Shigure faced him on the other side of the table with Aya beside him, who was trying to rise a conversation out of Yuki across from him. Hatsuharu was next to the rat trying to calm Momiji down beside him since they were in a fancy restaurant. Ritsu was beside Ayame, in a suit and being unusually quite. Akito reckoned he was trying to gain more self-control of his urge to apologise at random, but she didn't think it would last for long. Near the monkey sat the tiger, Kisa and Hiro, who was muttering something. Kisa just blushed cutely and nodded. Ah, to be in love… She wished those two would just drop dead. Opposite the sheep and next to the rabbit sat the boar Kagura, who did look a bit bored sitting next to the dark horse, Isuzu, who sat at the far end of the table next to Hiro, looking like she'd rather have her teeth pulled out with rusty pliers then sit at the same table as everyone.

"Isn't it just super, little brother?" Akito heard Aya called to Yuki over the table. "To celebrate in such an exclusive restaurant were the most postages people go!"

Yuki just grunted as he read the menu.

"Ah, brotherly bonding." Shigure said sarcastically. "Such a precious thing…"

"Can we have cake for desert?" The head heard Momiji ask Kagura in excitement.

"I don't see why not." The Boar answered back. "But you might be a bit full before that."

Hiro scoffed. "I doubt anything can full him up. He's like a black hole."

Rin, beside the sheep, agreed. "A black hole that won't shut up."

"Whaa! There picking on me!" The little rabbit cried to Haru, who petted him sympathetically.

"That wasn't very nice Hiro-kun." Kisa said to the sheep.

"It's true though." Hiro said.

"What's taking them so long with the drinks?" Kureno asked himself over his own menu.

"Well, it must take simply ages to make fourteen different drinks and try to serve them at the same time." Shigure said beside him.

"Such a fancy restaurant, yet they have such poor serving quality." Ren piped up across from the two.

"I don't think they are use to serving so many people in one go." Hatori said next to the woman. "At least the drinks are complimentary." He looked through his menu. "I hear the Yubiki here is very popular. Made with the best fugu around, apparently."

"I'll try that then." Ren said. "They have too many options."

The three men grunted.

"What's the matter Risu-kun?" Little Kisa asked the strangely silent man beside her. "You look tense."

"I'm sorry." The monkey whispered to the tiger. "I'm just not use to being in suck an expensive place. What if I get a flustered and start making a scene. We'll all get kicked out and it'll be my fault. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. All you have to do is be happy and talk to the others. No one will say it's not right because everyone else will be doing it too." Kisa said with a smile.

"If the other patrons complain about you they'll have to complain about all of us, and I don't think that'll happen." Haru said worldly.

"Of course!" Ritsu jumped as Aya put in his view. "Being as powerful as the Sohma's does have it's perks every now and then." The snake laughed and flipped his hair. "But we must be polite and ever gracious in social gathering such as this, so it's best to do as the rest of us do and talk quietly amounts ourselves until our orders arrive. I must say I'm awfully proud of you for voicing out your opinion in such a public place for all to hear, I know it's not easy for you, being of such shy nature and I commended you for your strength and determination to better yourself in the face of others opinion of you and I hope to help in any way possible." He ranted to him with a knowing smirk.

"Th-thank you." Ritsu could only stammer. _His idol had praised him…!_

'_God's he does go **on**!' _Akito and Yuki though as one.

The drinks then arrived on the trays of two waiters.

"Nothing like a little sake to start a festive mood, eh Kureno?" Shigure asked the rooster as he sipped his drink.

Kureno shrugged. "I'm not one for sake. I prefer Chuhai, it has a better flavour." He swirled his lemon-flavour drink in his hand.

"What, can't hold your liquor?" The dog teased.

"Like you can't stop writing those dirty novels." The maroon-haired man shot back.

"My my!" Aya turned to the two. "Is this the usually stoic Kureno, with a sense of humour? Is it the end of the world already?"

"I'm driving tonight, and I don't want anything to happen." Kureno justified as he drink some of his Chuhai.

"Next thing we know he'll have a secret lover on the side." Shigure sniggered to himself.

Kureno almost choked.

"I think those books you write have permanently affected your mind." Yuki told the dog.

Akito raised an enquiring eyebrow at the rooster behind her fruit juice, but said nothing.

"Calm down, Momiji." The goddess could hear Haru say over the din of the others. "It's impolite to jump about."

"I can't help it! I'm so exited!" The little blond beside the cow claimed. "I've never been to a place like this before!"

"Well, neither have I and you don't see me fidgeting." Hiro said from across the table.

"That's because you're playing your game-boy under the table." Isuzu muttered darkly.

"He's a good player." Kisa defended. Although it seemed to worsen the sheep's situation.

The waiter had finally arrived to take the groups orders.

"I think you should have the Fugu Sashimi, daughter." Ren told Akito before sipping her Koshu. "Goodness knows you need to eat something less fattening."

"I think it's safe to say that Akito-sama would prefer the Fugu Tempura." Hatori said to the waiter, noticing Akito's cold gaze towards her mother. "And I'll have the one as well, but with some Temaki on the side."

The waiter nodded and, sensing the area around the doctor and the older woman grow chilly, moved to the other guests.

"It is not wise to undermine me in front of other people." Ren coldly told Hatori as she looked straight ahead.

"As the head's physician it is my decision whether her diet needs changing or not." The dragon replied in matching tone. "You have no say in anything health related about your daughter." He then took a sip of his Happoshu.

Ren humphed.

Secretly, for only Akito had noticed, Hatori then took two small pieces of folded paper, and hid them under the rim of his plate.

"Yuki, tell me how is everything at school?" Ayame asked his little brother suddenly.

"What do you care?" The rat shot back almost emotionally. The goddess guessed that he was getting tired of the older mans ranting.

"Oh, I just had some interesting customers yesterday that seemed to know you." The snake said playfully, finally getting a response from his quarry. "It seems that you have a little fan-club on your hands."

Yuki scoffed. "A little? I have a club devoted to me consisting of half the school hounding me wherever I go and calling me 'My Prince'. And some of them are boys!"

Aya looked shocked at his brothers unusual outburst. But then he relaxed. "When I was about you age I hade a secret society devoted to me. One night my house was broken into by them and they tried to sell my underwear to the highest bidder at the school action." He then laughed. "My unwashed sports socks raised ¥2500 before the principle deemed all the items stolen from me invalid and took the thief's away for questioning. The cult was broken up by the PTA once the story broke to the parents." He laughed again. "You should have seen the look on my face when my Y-fronts were put up for bidding! They were taken for ¥5100!"

Yuki couldn't help but laugh at that. "Well, my club hasn't gone as far as that." He then muttered, "Yet." before taking a swig of his Mellon-flavoured Ramun.

"Does Lucky-Kyo have fans as well?" The snake asked.

"I don't think so. Who would want to be a groupie of that stupid cat?"

"When a group of young ladies comes into one's shop and asked for 3 dozen orange cat ears, one gets slightly suspicious of the matter." Aya said with an air of mock snobbery.

"You didn't!" Yuki said in astonishment. "You didn't sell orange cat ear's to a group of girls from my school!"

"Of course not, little brother." Aya looked at his brother with a strange twinkle in his slitted eyes. "I told them that it was best to buy cat ears that matched their hair-colour for authenticity. Brown, black, and some white ears for those of the blond persuasion were sold."

The rat almost died on the spot with laughter!

"I'd hate to be him on Monday!" He said when he finally gained control of himself.

"Indeed." The snake smirked over his umeshu. He was happy with that fact that he was now getting close to someone he now held dear. That and the image of Kyo's face in horror engraved into his mind.

"Can I have the Sushi platter please?" Kisa asked the waiter before handing in her menu.

"Why the platter?" Hiro asked in his usual venom. "All it is is just different types if sushi on a plate."

"I'm not very hungry…" Kisa replied shyly.

"Well I'm having the Chirashi." Hiro said to the waiter. "You can have some if you're hungry afterwards." He told the tiger.

Kisa blushed. "Thank you Hiro-kun."

Kagura and Isuzu shared knowing glances.

When the food arrived, with four waiters and a trolley, everyone seemed to be in high spirits. The drinks were flowing, the conversation was interesting and everyone was generally having a good time.

If you weren't the birthday girl that is.

Akito sat moodily as she watched her kinsmen enjoy themselves. Ayame and Yuki were actually getting along, sharing tips on how to avoid fan girls and how to hide in tight spots. Hatsuharu had switched seats with Kagura to talk to Isuzu and while the head thought that the horse would avoid the ox, they started talking about exams and other stuff the god couldn't hear. Shigure was harassing Kureno about who the cockerels ideal partner would be, adding innuendos here and there. The tiger, sheep, and rabbit were discussing video games and Ritsu was actually enjoying himself talking to Kagura about self-motivation exercises.

Even her damn mother was having a good time! She was busy throwing insults at the young god left and right and although Hatori, the ever vigilant one of the group, defended her with his own resourceful wit the blunted remarks had still caused her some injury.

Well it did, until the doctor decide to do something out of the ordinary.

"Ren-sama." Hatori said curiously. "There seems to be something on your face."

The mother blinked. "Where?" She asked, touching her left cheek.

"There." Hatori said, pointing to the right side of her face.

"Where?" She asked again, now touching her right cheek.

"There." The dragon still pointed to the woman's face.

By now Shigure, Kureno, Aya and Yuki were watching the scene unfold.

"Where?" She turned to Shigure, who blinked.

"It's right there, isn't it Shigure?" Hatori said to his friend with a wink.

The dog smirked. "My, it is extremely large."

"Massive." Ayame said, getting the joke.

"Where?" Ren said, getting cross.

Hitori sighed. With is index finger he touched the skin above her right cheek. When he moved the finger away it revealed a large black mark on her face. "There." He told her, showing his black finger to her. The two of the Mabudachi trio couldn't help but snigger slightly at Ren's shocked face. "I suggest you go to the bathroom and freshen up." The doctor told her, and in an instance she was up and gone.

The two couldn't take it any more and burst into laughter.

"I can't believe you'd remember that!" Aya giggled out.

"I can't believe you actually did it!" Shigure laughed.

"What did he do?" Yuki asked the two, mirroring Kureno's look of confusement.

Hatori smiled as he took out one of the folded papers under his plate. "I put a dab of this ink on my finger, then told her that she had something on her face."

"He put the ink on her and showed her his finger, making her think it was already on her before and that he smudged it." Aya explained to his little brother.

"Pulling off the perfect crime!" Shigure added with another winning smirk.

"You pulled it on me when we were younger." Hatori told the two.

"Ah yes, I remember the day…" Aya went into a dreamy haze as he began to tell everyone about that particular adventure.

As the group watched and listened to the tale of two idiots, Akito noticed something move from the corner of her eye. Moving her head slightly, as not to be noticed, she saw Hatori take out the second piece of folded paper from under his plate and drop its contents on her mothers plate discreetly. It looked like herbs of some sort.

All too soon the party ended. They had desert, paid their bill and left to return to their homes and sleep off the enormous feast they had partaken. The only other incident that night was when Momiji wanted to try all the cakes and attempted to steal Kisa's strawberry cheesecake, which led to Hiro's valiant attempt to save the dish by stabbing the rabbit with his desert fork. This led to the ram telling the little German that if he tried to take anything from his Kisa-chan again, he would find himself stuffed in a trash-can. Unfortunately, Shigure heard all this and proceeded to ask the question "Since when had she been _your _Kisa-chan?", leading to the debate of weather it was appropriate to tell a child about the 'birds and the bees' in a fancy restaurant. Which led to every single female at the table, and Ritsu oddly enough, to give the dog a glare that dropped the temperature in the room by several degrees. By that time Ren started to complain about a migraine so Hatori gave her some headache pills as well as some sleeping medication to get her off his back.

Anyway.

The next day was drizzly at best. The sky was grey and had been pouring a light rain that didn't seem to be finishing anytime soon. And that's where we find Akito, lying in bed. She had been awake for some time, but the cold-snap of the morning made her feel like she couldn't handle getting up. She awoke to a siren oddly enough, but didn't think of anything of it. Usually traffic sped by the compound and since it was raining no one was outside, making the calls of the siren seem like it was right outside her house.

A knock on her door sounded before it was swung open by Hatori. "Akito-sama." He said in his usual grave tone. "I have some very alarming news…" His voice took on apprehensive note, which was strange to Akito.

The goddess turn her head towards the doctor. "Did the check to the Kosakana bounce?"

That took Hatori by surprise. "…What?"

"I assumed that with everything we ate last night, the bank would think is was a forgery or something." Akito said.

"… The check cleared, Akito-sama." Hatori told the head.

"Then why have you disturbed me? Being called early in the morning after a late night will get me even sicker." She said to him viciously.

"Akito-sama, I don't know how to tell you this." The dragon said. "Your mother has passed away during the night."

Now it was Akito's turn to blink in surprise. "…Wha-?"

"The ambulance has just taken her away. I believe it might have been the fugu." The doctor closed the screen door and walked towards the bed.

The goddess sat up, groaning a bit as she did. "How could this be possible?" She asked the dragon.

"Well," Hatori sat at the foot of her bed. "The blowfish is quite a poisonous fish. Only the meat and some of it's skin is safe to eat. The fish contains a neurotoxin called Tetrodotoxin, which is about 1200 times deadlier then cyanide. The victim starts getting dizzy, headaches, and nausea. Then the toxin kicks in and shuts down the electrical signals in the nerves by binding to the pores of sodium channel proteins in nerve cell membranes." The man sighed. "Basically it paralyses your body completely and you slowly asphyxiate to death. It doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier, meaning you are fully conscious when this happens."

Akito's eyes narrowed. "And that's why you gave her the sleeping pills, wasn't it Hatori." She accused in a strangely calm voice.

The doctor looked at her in surprise.

"Once you saw the first symptoms show you immediately gave her the pills so that she could die in her sleep, rather then feel herself slowly suffocating to death." The head accused.

"I have no idea where your getting this notion from." The dragon said coldly.

"I saw you put two paper envelopes on the table." The goddess told him. "One was filled with ink, the other had herbs I saw you put into her food." She smiled bitterly. "Being a doctor, you knew how to get or make the poison, and the affects it brought. Choosing a restaurant that selled fugu and slyly manipulate her with her own ego was a stroke of genius. Only the best for the mother of the head." Akito laughed eerily. "You then set your little joke on her to not only get her out of her seat, but also distract the others with Shigure and Ayame's long winded story. I knew you weren't the type of person to play a prank in the middle of a high-class restaurant." She looked back on him, noticing how pale he was now. "You put the herbs in her food and when she returned carried on as normal. When she when to bed she took your pills thus sealing her fate." She noticed that Hatori was now sitting very still. " Tell me," She demanded. "Was those herbs filled with poison?"

Hatori bowed his head. For a while it looked like he wouldn't answer the head's question before saying softly, "I soaked them in the toxin the night before."

Before he could register it, Akito launched herself on him and gave him the strongest hug he had since Aya's last visit.

"Damn those stupid fan girls!" Kyo growl harshly as he walked home. "First cat ears, now this!"

"It was inevitable." Yuki told the cat beside him. "If you think about it, it's like gang-colours."

"But still," Tohru said from Kyo's other side. "They shouldn't pick a fight with another club." "They didn't pick anything! One fan accidentally hit another in the face with a ball during PE, and now they're having this club-war!" The cat said angrily.

"Ears vs. Badges." Yuki muttered.

"And where the hell did they get the ear's anyway!" Kyo snarled. "It's been going on for a week now!"

"I'm sure it's just a phase." The girl of the group said over Yuki's silent snickering.

"That's what the parent's of those girls would probably say once word gets out about the club-war." The rat told the two, back in neutral mode. "But it's more of a nuisance if anything."

"Damn straight!" Kyo yelled.

They crossed their driveway and entered the house with thoughts of how to survive tomorrow when all of a sudden they heard giggling from the living room.

"Oh, boys!" Shigure sing-songed to them from said room. "I have a surprise for you!"

"Come here little brother!" Ayame's voice rang through Kyo's soul.

"I'm not sitting in the same room as that maniac!" The cat shot back before racing upstairs to the safety of the roof.

"But it's a surprise for you." Aya's head popped through just as the red-head got to the top of the stairs.

"I don't care!" He called from the second floor. "If it has anything to do with you, I don't want to know!"

"But it hasn't got anything to do with _me_." The snake told them.

"Huh?" The three asked.

"Then why are you here!" Kyo's voice echoed.

"Now now." Shigure interrupted. "That's no way to treat a guest. Just come with us for your big surprise!"

"Whatever." Kyo reluctantly climbed back down the stairs.

Diving there was relatively easy. Instead of the group risking their lives with Aya or Shigure driving, they ordered a cab. It was a tight fit, and although Yuki was closer to his brother he still refused to sit on his lap for everyone's comfort. In the end Yuki had to transform and be hugged by Tohru all the way there, while his brother held his cloths in a bag. (Because having a cat, a snake or a dog in a taxi without a cage is illegal. Unless it was a a seeing-eye-dog, but that doesn't really count…)

"Why are we here!" The cat stated as they stopped outside the Sohma main house.

"It's a surprise!" The dog announced as they paid for their fare.

"You told us that already." Yuki said from Tohru's cupped hands as they began to walk to the front gate.

"Does this have something to do with Ren-sama's death?" Tohru asked as Aya rapped on the large wooden doors.

"Maybe." The snake said with a smile.

The cat scoffed. "I heard as soon as her body was released, it went strate to the crematorium for her last rights. Talk about quick! She went into the fire from the same van that took her from the hospital!"

The doors opened and permitted them entrance.

"I think it's time to let Yuki get dressed now." Shigure said as the doors closed behind them. Aya took his brother from the girl and walked to a near-by bathroom for him to 'freshen up'.

"This way children!" The dog told the two, leading them around the main house and to the back of the front building.

Walking through secret gardens and passed small alleyways between houses they finally stopped in front of a rather ominous building.

"Why the hell are we here!" Kyo yelled as he took in the sight that was The Cat's House.

"Just sit and wait for Yuki, you'll find out soon enough." Shigure motioned to a table a few hundred meters from the cat's house, that they didn't notice. Sitting on one of the chairs by the table was a young woman in a sun hat and a stunning light pink summer dress. Her face was hidden behind her white fan as she looked to them in expectancy.

"Hello!" Tohru greeted as they made their way towards her. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, we didn't notice you were sitting there."

The woman said nothing.

"Ah, I'm Tohru Honda and this is Kyo." The girl continued now getting a bit anxious.

The woman still said nothing. She turned to Shigure, who nodded in understanding.

"Please sit everyone, and wait for Yuki and Aya to return." He said, sitting down beside the silent woman.

They sat without another word and waited.

Eventually Yuki did come. Although you could have cut the atmosphere around the group with a knife.

"What's going on?" He asked as his big brother came from behind him to sit at the table on the other side of the woman in the sun hat.

"Just sit down and find out!" Aya singed.

As soon as the rat did so the woman whipped out what looked like a remote and pushed it across to Kyo.

"?" The cat blinked.

"I think she wants you to press the button Kyo." The dog said with a laugh.

"Fine." Kyo sneered as he pushed the button.

Instantly, the cat's house exploded.

Laughter rang as the woman looked to the three teens and saw the look of shock/amazement on their faces.

"The hell!" The boys said together.

"Surprise Kyo-chan!" The woman said as she took the fan from her face.

"Akito-sama!" Yuki gasped.

"You blew up a house!" Tohru said in vague shock.

"You're a girl!" Kyo said stunned.

This caused all three adults to laugh harder.

The End! (Of this chapter, anyway!)

(Here's a little index of stuff that you couldn't understand in this oneshot. Also, there's a little not at the bottom of all this explaining why we wanted to kill Ren instead of Akito.)

Sushi - You'd have to be a grade 'A' moron not to know what it is.

Chuhai - flavoured alcoholic drinks with a relatively low alcohol content. They come in many different flavours such as lemon, grapefruit and pineapple, and are based on shochu. It's the Japanese version of WKD.

Fugu - Blowfish or Puffer fish. The fishes extremely expensive meat can also be poisonous. Only the meat and sometimes the skin can be eaten while the liver, intestines, and even the blood have enough poison in it to kill 30 men. A fugu meal can easily cost from $100 to £200 due to this.

Fugu Sashimi - sliced thin peaces of blowfish that are so thin that the pattern on the plate can be seen through the meat. Theses plates are often beautifully decorated so that removing the slices are as enjoyable as the meal itself.

Koshu - Aged sake. Most sake does not age well but this specially made type can age for decades, turning the sake yellow and giving it a honeyed flavour. Very pricey.

Tempura - Tempura are deep fried pieces of battered seafood and vegetables. Various tempura pieces are dipped into a soya based sauce before served on top of the rice. Extremely fattening.

Temaki - cones made of nori seaweed and filled with sushi rice, seafood and vegetables.

Happoshu - A recent invention by Japanese brewing companies, literally means "sparkling alcohol". It looks like beer, contains the same amount of alcohol as beer, but is made with less malt than beer, giving it a different, lighter taste.

Ramune - A Japanese soda.

Umeshu - Japanese plum wine. Made from plums. (duh!)

Chirashi - A dish in which seafood, mushroom and vegetables are spread over sushi rice.

Note:  
I know what you're all thinking: 'WHAT THE HELL! Isn't Akito suppose to be killed!' Right? Well that _is _what we were going to do, except for what we found out when researching Akito-sama. Apparently we found out a lot of facts, aside for the fact he was a she, to help us with this. As you have read, Akito's mother is called Ren. And she's a real bitch!  
A little history for the masses:-  
She had Akito raised as a boy because she was juelous of the attention the baby was getting from her husband, Sohma Akira. There relationship wasen't helped when Akito was the only one at Akira's bedside when he bumped off, leaving Akito a lovely little box for a present, said by a maid to sooth the young Akito, to contain her fathers soul.  
Ren kept calling Akito a nothing, even going to the point of claiming the bond between Akito and the Jyunishi was fake. Which would explain why poor Akito begged Kureno to stay by her.  
The doubt eventally boiled down to a bet between the two. If Akito was so confident in her bond she should let Tohru live at Shigure's house and let her know of the curse. If the Jyunishi sill return to Akito she could stay the head of the family. But if her bond breaks, then Ren would win and Akito would have to bow to her and would be forced out of the family forever.  
That selfish and manipulative bitch Ren even slept with Shigure when Akito picked Kureno to stay with her instead of the dog.  
Ren even pretended to befriend Isuzu so she could steal the box Akira gave Akito on his deathbed, thinking it contained something presious of Akira's. But it had always been empty.  
Her mother is the reason Akito acts like a hateful cow and is ill all the time. Hatori had even said that Akito's illness was mental, not pysical due to her mothers hatefull remarks. It destroyed her self-esteem and self-worth casing her to feel like crap all the time!

So... Don't blame the child. Blame the parent. Where do you think Akito got it all from anyway?


	8. Hatori

**Hatori Shuts (Someone) up By Lyell**

(I CAN'T BELIVE YOU PEOPLE! ONLY 1 REVIEW! 2 FOR THE LAST AND NONE FOR THE CHAPTER BEFORE IT! You are so lucky I decided to scrap my resolution of 'over 5 reviews' on this one. _And_ I was convinced to make the chapter long! What the heck was I thinking!)

Aya sat in Shigure's house wrapped in a blanket and sipping tea. His brother and Kyo were both doing their best to look away, embarrassed blushes on their cheeks while Tohru sat opposite, riveted in the story Aya was telling them.

Flashback  
"Come on, Hari!" A young Ayame bounced beside his friend. "It'll be fun!"  
"No." Was all Hatori said as he walked determinedly away from Aya and into his college building to be jumped by Shigure.  
"Awww!" The dog pouted as he grabbed one of the dragons arms and he and Aya walked with him. "All you would need is a tux!"  
'A tux?' Hatori stopped to look at his cousins suspiciously.  
"I would supply the rest!" Ayame chirruped, looking all the more cheerful. "Come on! Please? You know how serious I am about starting my own business. I just need a few good men to help me man my stall."  
"That's right." Shigure said.  
"Gure has even volunteered to help as well, right?"  
"Yosh!" The dog smartly saluted and stood to attention.  
Hatori couldn't help but have a sinking feeling in his gut. "Will Shigure need a tux as well?"  
"Don't worry!" Shigure smiled. "Aya has all my stuff."  
"Hmmm… I guess…"  
"Eeeee! Thank you Hari!" Both Zodiac members squealed as they glomphed him.  
"But," Hatori said, stopping the celebrations before they attracted a teachers attention. "this is serious, right?"  
"Right!" Both coursed.  
"So both of you must act seriously, right?"  
"Hai!"  
Hatori sighed to himself, the sense of dread worsening. "How many days do I have to do this?"  
"Just one. After the rush of the first day, me and Gure can manage." Aya smiled charmingly as he and Shigure started Hatori walking again. "We'll call you tomorrow!"  
"You're opening the stall tomorrow? That's a bit soon." The future doctor asked with a raised eyebrow. 'What have I got myself into?'  
"I'm perfectly serious about my business venture! The sooner it's set up, the sooner I can have a bit of freedom!" Aya struck a pose and Shigure applauded him.  
Hatori rolled his eyes and continued into the campus.

The Next day…  
Hatori parked his second-hand car around the back of the large building's underground car park. Ayame and Shigure were standing in the parking space they had saved for him, both wearing long smart coats and white gloves reaching past the sleeves, Ayame had a handbag under his arm and Shigure was holding a long black fold of cloth and a black disk the size of a record.  
"HARI!" Aya leapt forward as soon as Hatori had shut the door behind him and glomphed the poor guy.  
"Aya we have to hurry. Here." Shigure handed Hatori the disk, which popped up to reveal it was a collapsible top hat and shoved, what Hatori reasoned was an opera cape, onto his shoulders.  
"Ooo! Ooo! Don't forget this!" Aya opened his bag and took out a simple white triangular mask and gave it to Hatori. "Put this on, Hari."  
Hatori looked the mask over and put it on just as his cousins were suddenly behind him and were pushing him through the car park doors and into the building's lift. As the indoor lights blinded him Aya and Shigure steered Hatori out of the lift and into a stall by a set of stairs.  
"We're just in time!" Shigure chirruped as Aya looked thrilled. "They're going to open the doors any second!"  
"What are…?"  
"Look!" Aya said, indicating the stall walls behind Hatori. "Isn't it fabulous!"  
'Uh…' Hatori was in shock. "Ayame's?" 'He named the stall after himself?'  
"Well at first I thought: hmmm, something classy yet charismatic. Then it hit me! It's perfect! Hahahaha!"  
"I helped too." Shigure was heard to whine.  
"Of course, oh light of my life. The fact that you were here beside me brought joy and colour to my otherwise dull existence."  
"Oh, Aya-chan! Your words full me with love and hope that can never be overcome by any obstacle!"  
"Oh Aya!"  
"Oh Gure!"  
'Oh _please_.'  
"Yosh!" The two boys laughed and gave each other the thumbs up.  
Hatori sighed to himself, use to the shenanigans of his kin, and decided to steer the conversation away from anything remotely crazy. "What are we selling?" He asked, examining the pictures displayed on the stall. All of which seemed to be Aya or one of their cousins in weird outfits.  
"Oh Hari! You tease!" Shigure laughed as he and Aya began to unbutton their coats to reveal…  
'What. The. Hell.' Hatori tried to comprehend what he was seeing. It was hideously mesmerising. He tried to get his mouth to work but only managed an incoherent gargle.  
"Ah! Speechless I see!" Aya crowed proudly, both hands straightening the yellow bow at his back.  
Shigure nudged him. "Didn't I say this was a good idea."  
"It was you're idea?" Hatori strangled out, having rediscovered his tongue.  
"Of course!" Shigure said happily as he helped Aya fix a red bow to the back of his head as the other man cantered the blue ribbon choker with a yellow star decorating it. "It's research for my chosen profession."  
"Which would be…?" Hatori raised his eyebrow at the two outfits before him. Aya twirled for his pleasure and posed, one hand on his hip while the other was in in the air and his short orange skirt settled, making him look very theatrical.  
"Silly Hari." Shigure smiled and told him, with a fond voice and a far off expression in his eyes as he clasped his hands to his chest, careful of the blue bow now there, for dramatic effect. "You know I'm aspiring to join the ranks of the prestigious authors of Japan."  
"You mean you're going to write smut." Hatori clarified, sensing the oncoming headache today had just promised him.  
"Ooo! Gure! Quick!" Aya fished into his bag just as funnily dressed people began to flood into the stall filled hall and brought out two different coronets.  
"Thanks." Shigure put on his respective band, which had a blue stone set in the dip and Aya straightened the top hat he had just put on Hatori's confused head before putting his own circlet on, which had an orange stone set instead of blue.  
"This is going to be fabulous!" Aya squealed as he jumped and clapped his hands in pure excitement before confronting two people dressed as robots warriors. "Hi! I'm Sohma Ayame, welcome to my stall!" Several more people dressed in various costumes came to watch Aya introduce his merchandise and hand them fliers. "And as you can see my stall is designed to cater to the faithful fandom of Cosplayers!"  
'Oh God!' Hatori shrunk in his seat as the pieces came together in his mind. 'So that's what they were up to. No wonder they didn't tell me anything.'  
"As you can see," Ayame continued as Shigure handed out fliers, both ignorant to their cousins silent chagrin. "myself and my colleges are dressed in my handmade creations. As you can tell I am dressed as Aino Minako or _Sailor Venus_," There Aya did a pose. "and my friend as Mizuro Ami or _Sailor Mercury,_" Now it was Shigure's turn to pose for the clapping crowd. "from the new Anime _Sailor Moon_!" Both pose together. "And let's not forget the steamy and mysterious Tuxedo Mask!" Ayame and Shigure both grinned evilly as they both gesture to the unfortunate Hari sitting in his chair, oblivious to their meaning.  
Hatori looked up as the crowed burst into yells and whistles as everyone seemed to be looking at him. Hatori lifted a hand to fix his hat firmer on his head and earned a few girlish screams, much to his puzzlement and embarrassment.  
"Our range include: Battle of the planets, Speed Racer, Shogun Warriors, Candy Candy, Ranma ½, Vampire Hunter D, Violinist Hamel, Voltron, Dragon Ball, Dragon Z, Star Blazers, Macross, GI Joe, Ronin Warriors and anything else you can think of! Custom made for your pleasure. We also do originals, just submit your idea! We supply for girls, boys and even pets. Ayame's store: We bring fantasies to life!" Aya finished as he gave the audience a dazzling smile.  
Some girls with face paint approached and Shigure gave them a welcoming grin, leading them to the stall and showed them a book with various snapshots of costumes in it.  
Hatori did his best to seem as small as possible in his seat, without attracting anyone's attention, but he couldn't help but feel eyes on him. Not unfriendly eyes. Just… eyes. It was starting to scare the creepy hell out of him.  
"Hari!" Aya and Shigure were looking at him expectantly for some reason.  
"Well? Stand up and give up a twirl." Aya prompted. So that's what they wanted.  
Hatori sighed and swallowed his pride, stood up to give the giggling girls what they want.  
"Isn't he a dish!" Aya giggled along with Shigure and the girls.

30 minutes later  
Hatori cowered underneath a clothed table along with a two male Ranma's, a Mousse, a Hamel, a couple of swordsmen, a young man in a black school uniform and a young vampire called D. One of the Ranma's giggled nervously and was stifled by a swordsman and the school boy. Hatori tensed and D signalled everyone to be quiet. There was silence as a few girls chatted as they walked past.  
"The stairs?" D asked Hatori in a whisper as soon as the girls had gone.  
"No." Hatori shuddered.  
Mousse whispered. "What's wrong, Tux?"  
Hatori tried to relax as he whispered back. "I have… relatives, they have a stall near there."  
"Those two hot girls?" Ranma 2 asked.  
"I wouldn't mind going there…" The school boy leered to himself.  
¬¬ "They're both guys."  
Silence.  
"Really!" One of the swordsman asked, leaning forward.  
"Why do you sound interested?" The other asked.  
"It's just interesting that's all. They pull it off so well. Especially that Sailor Venus." He answered back.  
"That's my cousin, Ayame." Hatori told them.  
"Where'd he get that wig?" D asked.  
"…" Hatori sighed. "It's not a wig."  
There was a collective. "…"  
Hamel, who was on lookout, interrupted the fascinating conversation. "The coast's clear guys!" He said as he lifted the white cloth and carefully poked his head out.  
"Lets go!" D commanded as they all rushed out from under the table and under another to crawl across to the next space. After checking the coast was clear the boys all ducked behind a screen wall of a random stall and inched their way across in disciplined silence, like a gorilla unit in to Congo heading into enemy territory. After some near misses caused, by nerves, they made a break for the space under the stairs.  
"Damn!" Hatori swore as he looked around.  
Everyone looked round. "What is it?" The third swordsman asked.  
"Didn't I just say this was too close to my cousins stall?" Hatori growled.  
"Yeah, ya did." Hamel said with a grin. "But I don't see you coming up with any good ideas."  
"They're your cousins, not ours." Mousse grinned as they all chuckled at Hatori's misfortune.  
"Hey guys!" The men collectively jumped as Aya and Shigure seemed to materialise in the middle of their little group.  
"So this is where you've been, Hari you naughty boy!" Aya squealed as he glomphed Hamel and a swordsman and Shigure draped himself on D and the school boy.  
"I'm glad you've found some friends, Hari!" Shigure giggled.  
"Sooo…" Aya sang musically, making Hatori cringe. "Who are you're friends…"  
"D." The vampire hunter said, bowing theatrically and holding his cape out.  
"Ranma." The two Ranma's said together with a casual wave of their right hands.  
"Mousse from Ranma." The boy with thick glasses which he had conveniently put on a string around his neck - because, he told them earlier, it was too much of a bother wearing them and they hurt his eyes - said as he gave the two cross dressers a nod.  
"Hamel." The Black and white dressed boy with the pointed hat and kneepads introduced with another nod.  
"Fujiname Ryuunosuke from Urusei Yatsura" The school boy said with a small bow.  
"And we're Anonymous Swordsmen!" The last three boys said together, with large grins.  
"… I don't get it." Hamel said to Ryuunosuke.  
"I do!" Aya trilled. "Very inventive!"  
"Huh?"  
"There are always Anonymous Swordsman. In the background or in a fight off screen." Aya explained with delight.  
"I take it this was a group effort?" Shigure said with a laugh.  
The swordsman all looked a little embarrassed as the two pretty girls, who they had conveniently forgotten were actually guys, gave them all their attention.  
"I can't understand how all you fine looking men are stuck underneath a dreary set of stairs…" Aya said offhandedly.  
Shigure looked thoughtful and Hatori shivered at the innocence conveyed in the dog's voice. That was never good…"I wonder what would happen if-"  
"There they are!" A girl screamed, interrupting Shigure's monolog. The boys turned in horror as they realized Aya and Shigure had led them out of their hiding spot without noticing and they had been spotted by the fan girls. Some of which held ropes.  
"Scatter! Nownownow!" Whoosh! The boys all ran in different directions, hurdling over girls and stall tables like deer as they tried and shake off their screaming girly pursuers.  
"This way!" Ryuunosuke said as he held the door to the boy's bathroom open.  
"Hai!" The boys all ran into the room and Ryuu shut the door behind them.  
"Phew!" One of the Ranma's collapsed on the tiled floor beside Mousse and a random Swordsman.  
"That was close." Hamel sighed as he lent against a wall beside Hatori and another Ranma.  
The two Ryuu's lent against each other by the stalls where the other boys were seated on the toilet seats. Cover down, of course.  
"What now?" A Swordsman asked everyone in general.  
"Has anyone noticed Takahashi Rumiko is very popular this year?" Hamel said randomly. Everyone looked at him. "I'm not kidding! Look…" He indicated Ranma and Mousse, then the two Ryuu's. "I'd thought Doragon Bōru Zetto (Dragon Ball Z) or Yoroiden Samurai Torūpā (Ronin Warriors) would have more people."  
"Ah, young grasshopper," The second Ranma said sagely. "the answer is simple…"  
"When you're done with the mysticism, please." D sighed.  
"Err… What was the question?"  
Some people gave an aggravated sigh while the others just shook their heads.  
"I think all that running has overheated you're brain." The first Ranma said to his companion.  
"Or you're dumber than that stupid chimp in Mach Go Go Go." A Ryuunosuke put in.  
"Okay, Okay! Geeze!" The second Ranma laughed. "Think about it. It's just that all those costumes are a bit time consuming to make." Everyone was listening. "First you have to get the cardboard boxes, then cut them, when paint them and stick stuff on them. It's just too much hassle."  
"But there's a major flaw in you theory, _sensei_." the third swordsman said. "I've seen a couple of Goku's and Vegeta's wondering around and a Sanada Ryō. Explain that."  
"Umm…"  
Hatori heaved himself from the wall and dusted his pants off. "I can." He said, straightening his tie.  
"Huh?"  
Hatori continued in his monotonous voice. "We are too 'hot'."  
Everyone was silent for about two seconds before bursting out laughing.  
"My dear Hari!" Shigure said as he and Aya both joined in the laughed as they looped their arms around their darling cousin.  
"I never thought I'd see the day!" Aya sniffed. "Our Hari has grown up so fast!"  
All the men jumped at the appearance of the two 'girls' even with the door guarded.  
"How'd you get in!" Mousse asked.  
"They're odd that way." Hatori said, shaking his giggling cousins off.  
Shigure giggled and flapped his hand. "What's even odder is that you never realized we have another friend."  
"Hi! I'm Sohma Aya and you are?" He said striding forward, which looked really weird as he was still wearing his sailor skirt, to shake the new persons hand.  
"Oh. This is my sister, also dressed as Ryuuosuke." The first Ryuuosuke said, introducing the second as Aya shook her hand.  
"We're twins." She said as she used Aya's hand to help herself up off the floor.  
"So you're a girl dressed as a boy who is a girl dressed as a boy?" Shigure asked with a lecherous smile, intrigued.  
"I bet you can't say that ten time's fast." The first Ranma bet D.  
D shook his head. "You first."  
"Matta! So there's a _Girl_ in the _Boy's_ _Toilet_!" The first Swordsman panicked.  
"Yes, yes. We've already established that." His two companions sighed as their friend gave an ecchi grin and stared off into space.  
"How is this even perverted?" Hamel asked/demanded.  
"It's not. But the possibilities…" Shigure giggled to himself.  
"Gure, please." Aya drawled with a sigh and a hair swish, surprising Hatori at his seriousness. "There's a lady present…"  
"You're sick." Hamel told the Swordsman, ignoring the other conversation.  
"Oh? This coming from someone dressed as a famous womanizer? Would you rather we all do a little naked dance with only a small sign saying 'Don't look' to cover our modesty?" The first Swordsman looked offended.  
"Why don't you just say 'balls' like a normal person?" The third Swordsman asked, pinching his friend.  
Hamel huffed. "And I'm being called lewd?"  
"Gentlemen!" Shigure interrupted, calling their attention. "Please! The matter at hand…?"  
"Our lovely young companion here was just telling us how she came to be here, after her flattering views of our modest shop." Aya informed everyone with a laugh.  
"Look," Mousse, who had been forgotten until now, pointed out. "no offence or anything, but don't we have an escape to plan?"  
"Quite right." Hatori said as he walked forward towards the high windows. "And here it is."  
"Wait. You don't expect us to crawl out of those windows, do you?"  
"I don't even think I can fit in there." They all muttered to themselves.  
"It's this, or running out _there_ and possibly being captured." Hatori told them.  
"We could get costumes from our stall." Aya offered helpfully.  
"The window." Everyone said at once.  
"Well that was a no-brainer." Mousse muttered.  
"So it's unanimous." Hamel announced. "Out the toilet window like cowards, it is!"  
"Why do you sound proud?" The second Ranma asked.  
"Hardly." D corrected, ignoring Ranma 2. "We all agree and it's not like we have a choice."  
"Right. Biggest person up first." Hatori instructed.  
The third swordsman asked the first Ryuu. "Why Biggest?"  
"Because if he can get through, then we all can. Duh." His sister answered for him, rolling her eyes.  
D, being the tallest, was up first. "I really don't like this, guys." He said as he was forced to take off his shoulder pads, hat and cape and was now standing on the sink, they weren't even sure would hold him, holding the window open with one hand as he looked down at the others who were crowded around to see if the scheme would actually work. Except for Hatori who was trying to get the other Sohma's out the door as they continued to giggle and make fun of him.  
The third swordsman snorted, eager to get under away. "Just go."  
"Yeah. We need you to help everyone else when they get through." The second Ranma, who was holding all the clothes, pointed out.  
"Oh. Okay…" D frowned as he examined the window then set his shoulders and began to crawl through the narrow space, silently thanking kami he was so thin. About half way through, when his hips and legs were still to go, the occupants of the toilet heard his muffled voice ask. "Um… guys… How do I get down?"  
Hamel stepped forward, with an evil gleam in his eye. "That's easy." He said to his friend as he set his feet against the floor by the sink. Shove. "There yah go." He ginned as D's legs disappeared and a crashing thump could be heard.  
Mousse whacked Hamel upside the head as the blond giggled to himself. Everyone else tried to hold in their laughter as Hatori frowned as he succeeded in pushing Aya and Shigure out the door and shut it behind them.  
"Remember Hari," Shigure yelled through the wood. "Pick us up around 7!"  
"Fine." He grumbled, but it seemed his cousins heard him or knew that he agreed, as they skipped off chatting happily.  
One of the swordsmen was up next. "Just keep _him_," Hamel gave an innocent look. "_away_ from my backside."  
"Don't worry man. I don't want to go anywhere near that thing."

Hatori was the last to climb the sink as the doors burst open and girls of every anime gender came flooding in. "There's one!" Someone screamed as they flodded over and Hatori did his best to get through the window in time. Friendly hands took his arms and dragged him forward just as _too_ friendly hands had grabbed his legs and began to pull him back.  
"Heave!" The boys announced as they did their best not to surrender a comrade. With a immense rip Hatori went flying over the boy's heads and into a convenient stack of cardboard boxes.  
"You alright?" Ranma 1 asked as they surrounded the wreckage.  
Hatori only grunted as he tried to sit upright and looked himself over. 'Damn.' He growled before ordering the girls, in a very school-teacher voice. "Give me back my pants!"  
Only giggling could be heard as a girl sang "I see Eikyou, I see Furansu, I see Mamoru-kun's suteteko!" More girly laughter could be heard along with the clicking of what must be camera's.  
"It's a rented suit!" Hamel yelled at the girls.  
Soon a bundle of black material flew through the air and landed smack on Mousses head.  
"Eww, man!" Mousse quickly grabbed the garment and threw it to the fallen, and thoroughly embarrassed, seahorse.  
"Let's get out of here." One of the boys muttered as they all went there separate ways, each waving goodbye to their temporary comrades in trauma.  
End Flashback

"And that's the story." Aya wrapped up, finishing his drink.  
"What Does _That_ Have To Do With Anything?" Yuki cried.  
"Well, if you paying attention, little brother." Aya said seriously as he stood regally up, looking like some old roman senator in his blanket. "You would realise that, no matter what, you will always find friendship in the face of adversity."  
"So why are you wearing _that_ _thing_!" Kyo barked pointing out.  
"Oh? _This_?" Aya let his robe fall to twirl and reveal his freshly ironed orange sailor seifuku. "I just felt like wearing it! Don't I look fine! Hahahaha!"  
"Um… Oh yes, Ayame-san." Tohru assured him.  
"Fine? I'd say weird." Yuki muttered to himself as he and Tohru ignored Kyo's background ranting.  
"Aya-chan!" Shigure sang as he waltzed into the room in a swirl of colour. "How do I look?"  
"Aaaah! Gure! We match!" Aya exclaimed as both men hugged each other and jumped around in a circle with joy.  
Yuki turned and hid his head in his hands. 'Gods! I'm so embarrassed!'  
'Where the hell did they get all this fucking glitter from?' Kyo wondered as he brushed some of the offending glitter from his shirt.  
There was a sound from the door, thankfully, distracting the younger members of the room.  
"Ah! Hari's here!" Shigure and Aya both bounded forward as the living room door opened and Hatori stood with his case in hand and with Hatsuharu behind him.  
"Hari! Hari!" Aya chanted as they ran for the door.  
They came to a halt before the emotionless dragon. "It's that time of year again, Hari! I've still got that hat and I'm sure Aya-chan's still got the cape!" Shigure sang.  
Hatori stood perfectly still, looking only into Shigure's helpfully smiling face as Aya jigged around them.  
"No." He said flatly, drew back his fist and punched Shigure before turning around to storm past Haru and out of the house.  
"Gure!" Aya knelt beside the floored Shigure.  
"Shigure-san!" Tohru was there in an instant, "I'll go get ice!" only to get up and rush away again and freak out in the kitchen.  
"Serves that idiot right." Kyo snorted and Yuki nodded, obliged to agree.  
Haru lightly poked Shigure with a foot as Tohru came running back with a packed of frozen peas, "Uh… I'm sorry I couldn't find anything to put the ice in so… uhhh… pleaseusethis!" and held them out for Aya to take.  
"Hahaha! It's alright, Tohru-kun." Shigure laughed, his head now in Aya's lap as he took the peas and placed them over his eye. "I really should have known better. Last year Hari said if we asked him to go again he would punch us. Hahaha!"  
"We ask Hari ever year." Aya sniffed as he ran his fingers through Shigure's hair.  
"And every year he say's no." Shigure sighed.  
"I'll go." Hatsuharu said blankly.  
"Ooo! Yes! Lets make a day of it, Gure! I have the perfect costume for Yuki-chan!" Aya clapped his hands, signalling that it was decided.  
"_WHO SAID I WAS GOING TO GO_?"  
"Hahahaha!"  
"Oh no! I've made Yun-yun's angry! Hahaha! Look Gure! I have a new nickname for Yuki! Kakeru-kun told me it! Yun-yun! Yun-yun!"  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"  
"Oh dear… Uh…"  
"Feh. You're all fucking nuts if you think I'm gonna go to some stupid Manga Con, dressed as some Manga character!"  
"So you would go if you weren't dressed up?"  
"_NO DAMN IT_!"  
"Don't worry! I've got the perfect outfit for you Kyonkichi! Hahaha!"

Hatori sighed as he got up from his seat on the porch and dusted his trousers off. It looked like Shigure's phone call was a ruse and no one was really hurt after all. Taking out a cigarette and lighting up he got off the porch and decided to have a nice stroll, and a smoke, on the way back to the car.

END

Thanks to the only reviewer we had last chapter **Kinoshita Kristanite**! Yeah! Thank You! (Hands Kinoshita Kristanite a Ren voodoo doll with really long nasty pins) Go wild!  
And for my dear **Silverchild of the winds** and **Indigo Spirit** Aya and Shigure shaped cookies! With cute chocolate chips for eyes! Kawaii!

To everyone else who coulden't be bothered to review: _YOU ALL SUCK!_

If anyone has a suggestion who should be next, give us a shout out. We won't know what you're thinking unless you tell us! We arn't mindreaders! Though that would be really really cool...


	9. Shigure

**Shigure Shuts Up by AmberFox**

To Girlwho was too lazy, thanks for the only review last chapter! And Manga Con Rocks HARD!

"It's awful, I tell you! The stress is too much! Because of him I look like a forty year old, and I'm only 27!" Mii wailed on as she walked down the high street beside her friend.

"You poor thing! Working with Shigure-kun can't be that bad." Ritsu said next to her. He was on his way to buy groceries at the market in his kimono when he had saw his friend tragically stagger past him. He had decided the first time he met her that she had even less esteem then he did. He didn't even think that was possible! So he decided to listen to her as they cruised around the shops and hopefully help her relive some of her anxiety, maybe by getting her a new dress or makeup.

"No, It's worse!" The publicist said. "I know he's finished the chapters, _he_ knows I know he's finished the chapters, but I can't get them off him! He all 'I'm sorry, I think I lost them.' or 'They slipped out of my hand and were flushed down the toilet' or even 'Was that today? I haven't started it yet.'! I can't take it anymore!" She sniffed and began to cry.

"There there, It's alright." The monkey patted her back uncertainty. He never knew what to do with crying women. Due to his curse he wasn't the comforting sort, and he knew that if she got any more depressed she might want to hug. To make a grown woman cry in public like this at the sheer mention of his name made the timid monkey want to hurt his older cousin. Preferably on a talk-show about abusive bosses.

Steering the girl down the street he suddenly got a spark of an idea.

"I think I may have the solution to your problem…" The man dressed as a woman said. Taking Mii by the hand he lead her down the street.

"Welcome!" A pig-tailed nurse said as the two entered the shop.

"A haberdashery?" Mii asked her friend.

"Not just any haberdashery!" Ritsu said before asking the nurse, "Is Ayame-kun here?"

"Who is it!" A voice sang from the backroom. The curtains parted as a tall white-haired figure appeared in front of them. "Ritsu-chan! What a pleasant surprise! I was just thinking about making you something!"

"Can you help us?" The monkey asked. "This is Mii-chan. Mii, meet Sohma Ayame."

"Ahh!" The man said as he gave a little bow to the stammering woman. "It's nice to know my cousin has made a friend! She was always so shy, and now she's introducing me to others! I'm so proud!" The mad sniffed dramatically.

"Umm, thank you Aya-kun." Ritsu blushed a little. "But that's not why we came here…" He said as he explained their situation.

"I see, so you went to me because I know everything about Shigure." Aya nodded seriously in understanding.

"That, and I thought a new outfit might cheer her up." Ritsu told him as the two glanced over at Mii, who was sitting down to some tea with Mine.

"Oh Ritsu-chan!" Aya's sombre mood quickly vanished. "Making friends and now helping my business! My how you've grown up so quickly!" He headed towards Mii at break-neck speed. "Mine! Get everything ready! We have a make-over to do!"

"Yaaah!" Mine shot out of her seat in excitement and went to get her things."

"Wha…?" The woman said before being whisked away off her seat and into the changing rooms, tea and all!

"Now," Said Aya, oblivious to the monkey's stunned face. "Tell me all about your self-help classes!" before ushering him to the empty seats.

'_She's fast!' _Ritsu though. _'Like a rabid lion with a baby deer!' _"Oh, they're going well… Ano, your assistant seems very keen to please." He said to the snake.

"Oh, she's just loves dressing people up." Aya told him as they sat down. "She went positively _ape_ when I gave her a set of Barbie-dolls for her birthday!"

"That's nice…" Ritsu said, sipping the tea that was left out.

"She might give you a look-over too." The snake continued. "I wouldn't be surprised, after all you have such a nice figure you keep on hiding in your kimono's, and she loves getting pretty girls in dresses."

"I'm a guy." The monkey pointed out.

His cousin laughed. "And I can't wait until she realises it!" Taking a sip from his own tea he then said, " I still want to make a new kimono for you. You'd look fabulous in any of my creations!" He then tilted his head to the side in thought. "I wonder…"

Ritsu looked at his relative. "Excuse me?" But Ayame wasn't listening.

Aya turned to the backroom curtain beside them. "Mine!" He called out. "Put her in 'The Other Thing', she's got the perfect frame for it!"

"Aya aye, mon captáne!" Mine shouted back before the two could hear a "Hey!" from Mii along with the sounds of moving cloth.

"Here, put this on!" They could here Mine say.

"Are you nuts!" The sound of Mii's protests could be heard from the street. "I can't fit in that thing! It's too… you know!"

"Not to worry! The material is not only quite sturdy, but it's made in a way that'll go on any waist size. No matter how small you are, it'll fit perfectly!"

"Who's smaller than _that_!"

"Umm, what's 'The Other Thing' Aya-kun?" Ritsu tore his ear away from the conversation.

"Well, it's only in it's experimental stages, but it's suppose to be- Ah! You're finished already Mine?" The snaked looked to see his assistant leave the backroom, smile quite evident on her face.

"Yep! Presenting!" Mine announced. "For the first time ever, Sohma Ayame's newest creation!" Before opening the curtains to reveal…

"Absolutely Fabulous!" Aya crowed.

Ritsued gaped. "Mii-chan, is that you?"

Another sunny day at Shigure's house and the dog in question was reading the paper in the living room. He had finished his set of chapters late last night but got up early anyway for a very special reason. It was the third week in the month, and to the dog that meant that he would be getting a visit and a chance to play with his favourite toy, Mii's emotions. Sure, he felt guilty after watching her leave with the documents, crying, but sometimes it was just too darn fun!

"Shigure-san, Mii-san's here to see you" Tohru sounded from the front door.

"Coming!" He said, rubbing his hands in glee but not before hiding the documents under his desk.

"Ah, Mii-chan! Is today the day for the manuscripts?" Shigure said as he entered the hallway, meeting his victim. He did a slight double take at Mii. "Is it raining?" He asked her. Mii looked back at him, blinking innocently. Instead of her usual powder blue dress-suite she wore when meeting him she sported a large tan raincoat.

"It was this morning." She told him. "I had to get up early because I needed my photo taken." She looked at him with pleading eyes. "Have you finished the manuscript yet?"

"Oh, yes!" The dog told her, getting into the swing of things once again. "It's all written and ready to be handed in, but I can't seem to find it. I'm sure it's not in the fridge this time…" He pondered to himself.

"Don't tell me you lost it again!" Mii said shocked.

"I'm sorry but I can't find it any where…" He nodded to himself, affirmatating his situation.

"Please find it Sensei." Mii told him. She sighed to herself. Knowing him, he would take hour's and then tell her how hopeless her situation was, then find it in some ridiculous place like the rice-cooker or something.

Luckily, she had a plan.

She shrugged her shoulders, looking helpless under his sadistic dictatorship of the incapacity of not finding anything. "I'll wait." She sighed as she took of her coat. "Can you put this in the coat-room please?" She asked him, handing it to him.

Unfortunately, he wasn't listening. His mind was a blank due to the vision before him. Standing there, in nothing but a royal blue string-bikini, stood Mii. White tropical flowers patterned her right breast and left hip as the scarcely clad woman's curves left little to the imagination. Heck! The whole outfit was a suggestion! The cups dipped suggestively, but still kept the wearers modesty and the bottoms rode low, as if it could fall off her hips at any moment.

Seeing Shigure just gape there as he held her coat Mii then put on the most innocent, adorable face she could muster and pressed her index finger to her lips coyly as she said sweetly, "Please find the chapters for me, _Sensei_…"

The man smiled, still dazed. Before Mii could say any more he turned slowly towards his office, coat in tow, and walked thru the door. Seconds later he returned, with both coat and manuscript in his hands, still with a dazed but happy look on his face.

Mii giggled in glee! It worked!

"Thank you Sensei! I'm so happy!" She told him, and to prove it, she kissed him on the cheek in gratitude.

Shigure hit the floor hard as torrents of blood shot from his nose, his smile widened into a ecstatic grin.

'_Oh Crap! I didn't mean to do that!' _Mii thought in panic. Quickly she put her coat back on, grabbed her papers and closed the door behind her and began running to her car, hoping this meeting wasn't a dream.

But not before hearing a poof from the other side of the Sohma's door.

Yuki swung open the door, finding who he wanted to talk to. "Shigure just gave in his chapters without any screaming. I think this may be the end of the world." He told Kyo, who was reading on the floor of his room.

"I flirted with Kagure, Akito's happy and your actually bonding with your brother and now your acting like him." The cat relied, "I knew that months ago." before turning back to his book.

"Success! Actual success! You should have seen the look on his face!" Mii crowed to Ritsu. "I can officially say that I can now die happy!"

"Don't say things like that!" The monkey told the woman. "It might come true."

The dynamic duo were now outside the infamous Ayame's Shop. The publicist had changed out of her outfit and now sported her usual blue dress-suite. The outfit in question was in a little bag beside her, ready to be returned.

"If death comes I'll happily embrace it with the memory of that pervert engraved into my head!" She told her friend as they entered the shop.

"So, how did it go?" The snake asked as he saw his two customers walk in.

"You," Mii pointed to Aya. "Are a genius!"

"Yay! It worked!" Mine shouted in celebration.

"Well, I try…" Aya said modestly.

"As soon as he saw me he couldn't stop drooling! And as soon as I left, he fainted! I've never made a guy faint before!" She continued.

Unbeknownst to her the two zodiac members sighed with relief. _He fainted when she wasn't looking!_

"Speaking of making people drool…" Mine turned to Ritsu, with a evil gleam in her eyes. "When I'm finished with you, every guy will drool once they see you!"

'_It's the look!' _The monkey thought as he tried to escape the rabid girls clutches.

"Come with me!" The assistant said as she tried to grab his hand. Succeeding, she then pulled him towards the changing rooms.

'_Noooooo!' _Ritsu thought as he dug his heals into the carpet.

"Take it like a woman. I went through this, now it's your turn!" Mii told her friend as she decided to help in pulling them into the backroom.

Not finding any sanctuary with his friend, Ritsu looked to Aya for help, but saw that his cousin was actually enjoying the situation.

"Come on!" Mine continued to drag her victim. "I need your measurements…" She strained.

It might have been seeing Ayame smirk, or it might have been the fact that Mii goaded him, that made the monkey begin to get fed up with his situation. Without thinking (for if he did he certainly would have apologised) he said stiffly. "I don't see why you can't measure me here!"

"Er…!" The three said in union.

"But you'll be undressing." Mine pointed out to her captive.

"So." Ritsu yanked his arm away from her and crossed them. "I don't see a problem. What's wrong," He started to undo his obi. "With me undressing here." He began to take off his top. "After all," The top dropped on the floor. "I am a man."

The two women couldn't speak. Their stood Ritsu, his chest revealing his smooth hardened abs, hair blowing in an imaginary wind as his eyes sparkled defiantly with an arrogant smirk. His left hand combed thru his hair as he wondered where the wind came from, then turned back to the girls.

Thud Thud

"Well, that when better then expected." The snake said to the monkey behind a small fan. "That performance deserves a standing ovation, pity they can't move their legs let alone stand."

"Huh." The monkey said to himself, picking up his discarded garments. "They deserved it."

Tune in next time (hopfully soon. Once we get our lazt asses into gear). Pleas RR


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